Choice is a good thing, right?

One of the most stressful aspects of parenting in DC is figuring out where your kids should go to school. If you have an income the size of a small country's GDP, you live in Upper NW or pay $25,000-$35,000 a year for private school (or both). The rest of us find charter schools or schools in Upper NW with extra slots, apply and then wait to find out if our kids got in.

In theory this is a good thing, choice being desirable. In reality, the quality of your child's education is determined by a roll of the dice. I do believe that charter schools have their place in our educational system, especially those with alternative learning models, but to me nothing can replace fixing our neighborhood schools so everyone has the opportunity to learn. In part, this requires parents like Craig and I staying part of the system.

So today I met with Ms. Little, the principal at our local elementary school, and was pretty impressed. When we talked about C.J.'s need for a very structured environment, she gave the name of the teacher who would best for him and suggested I come talk to him next week. Similarly, when I asked about coming in to help out with enrichment for students above grade level by doing some Reader's Theater, she immediately told me the process I would need to follow to set up a program and was able to give examples of others doing the same. Only a principal who was pretty confident in her teachers would be that open to others in her building.

In this, the age of testing, the classrooms are focused on literacy and math with science and history 2-3 times a week. However, I was pretty happy to hear that they have a science teacher and a science lab that acts as a special. This means that they get to do great experiments that would be harder for a classroom teacher. The science teacher is an Einstein Fellow and nationally recognized. They are applying to become a Science, Technology, Engineering and Mathematics (STEM) school, which would ramp this up even more. They also have art, PE, music, etc.

Another nod to NCLB, everyday from 9-9:30 they do test prep. I'm not crazy about this but can understand it. They are also assessing kids throughout the school year (which is now a standard that all schools should be meeting) to know where they are. Students who test at proficient or advanced are pulled during the test prep time for enrichment activities. I love this fact as it 1) rewards them for doing well and allows them to do engaging work that will push them ahead and 2) lets the teachers focus on students who do need extra help. They have made AYP for several years and are Middle States accredited, both good things. There are also lots of extra-curricular activities.

So would I send them there? If my kids got into Yu Ying or Stokes (two good charter schools in the neighborhood) I'd have to think about it, largely because both have language immersion programs, which the psychologist recommended for C.J. If they don't, I no longer feel like we have to pack up and move in order to ensure they get a quality education. It would definitely be worth trying and I would just spend a lot of time in the school the first year getting a sense of how it was going. This gives me a huge sense of relief.

Choice is a good thing, as long as there are viable options from which to choose.

Eureka! Local Elementary School Might Be A Go

So the weight on our shoulders for the last few weeks has been where the boys would be in school next year. C.J., at least, can't stay where he is but we aren't guaranteed a slot in any of the charter's schools to which we've applied. I have been envisioning a summer spent trying to sell the house and scrambling to figure out where to move.

Our original in-boundary school closed this year, which is a good thing, and I finally went on-line today to figure out what our new school is. It turns out that our new school is Burroughs, which is one of only 5 fully accredited schools in the district (all the others are in NW). It looks pretty impressive - nationally accredited teachers, great extra programs for kids in architecture, French, and more. They have been making AYP (the high stakes testing) so are doing something right.

I sent the principal an email and heard back immediately, always a bonus. I'll meet with her next week to see how viable an option it is. This would be a huge relief so we're keeping our fingers crossed!

The Silver Lining

One of the constants in my life for the last 13 years has been ongoing recognition of just how great my husband is. We've always had fun when we're supposed to do so, when things are going our way and times are good. I appreciate that but it is not out of the ordinary. What is remarkable is that when things haven't gone our way (like for the last 8 months), our relationship becomes stronger, not weaker.

In moments like this I always think of our first real hardship as a married couple, when I miscarried our first child. It was hands-down the worst night of my life to date, one of those experiences you can't truly understand unless you've gone through it. At 6 am when the doctor came in to tell us the baby was gone, he said something that has stuck with me ever since. He and his wife had gone through this and it had brought them closer together and he believed we should look for the same.

In the moment it seemed nice yet meaningless, one of those things people say to make you feel better when nothing really can. In the years since it has come to symbolize what I consider the true strength of our relationship. We both realize that there is nothing that we can't face and survive as long as we do it together.

Having Craig during the "for better" times is great and I appreciate all that we do. Having Craig during the "for worse" times is essential to my surviving them. That we seem to come through them all with a stronger marriage is the silver lining.

The Trap

I found some paperwork I'd been given by the psychologist at C.J.'s MDT meeting while cleaning this week, glanced through it quickly and did a double-take. My eyes, of course, had landed on the section where they discussed how often these diagnoses are not followed through on by parents and teachers. It is easy, the piece of paper explained, to get so focused on the student's strengths that you don't take seriously enough their weaknesses.

Had Craig and I fallen into this trap? C.J. has been so happy at his new school, with no real problems that we have gotten complacent. We worry a lot about every day logistics but not the long-term decisions. The Assistant Principal who is running C.J.'s meetings has been sick and busy and I haven't been pushy about scheduling the next IEP meeting. I have even wondered if we should just wait and see if there is a problem next year and have the new school create the IEP. It would then take into account any changes that occurred as he moved into kindergarten, I tell myself, and would perhaps be less complicated if I weren't so directly involved.

All are completely logical thoughts. Deep down, however, I have to admit that the piece of paper is right and part of me still doesn't want to accept all that we have learned. He is only 4 and given that today he picked up a book and started reading it to me, it is hard to believe he's going to struggle academically. It is especially difficult, though, to accept that he's not going to "grow out of" his social issues. I have spent much of my teaching life with students who struggle to fit in socially and it can be hard to watch, much less live through.

So we need to be optimistic but also realistic. We are catching everything early, which is great. He also does have this huge Verbal IQ (shown in the early reading) to help him compensate for his weakness. I see lots of reasons to be encouraged for the future and think his road will be much easier than many others with whom I've worked. But it doesn't mean we don't have a lot of work ahead

Not all the hard decisions are behind us. We don't have to tackle them all right now, but we also can't pretend they don't exist.

The Quest for Perfection

How simple it is to change parts of your life once you've left the Land of Indecision. As with most things, the first step is the hard one and then you just glide on through with the others.

Getting C.J. in a spot that worked for him was the first, and hardest, decision to make. Seeing how happy he was and how it helped everyone involved has made other decisions easier. I let Hope know that I wouldn't be coming back next year and they have decided to make the transition this year so the new person can be ready to go in the fall and so I can have a chance to get my health back in order before taking on a new position. (One that will not require 70 hour weeks and the stress of still not having meet every one's needs.) Money will be a struggle for a while, but not having Craig bear most of the weight at home and giving my kids a functional mom will make that struggle worthwhile.

Finding a new school for the boys has also started and we have some good prospects in the city. We won't know until mid-April if they got in anywhere (all the charter schools have a lottery to determine who can attend) but we are optimistic. If we don't, we'll have time to think through other options, including moving.

C.J. is still a happy camper at his school. They made and ate green eggs and ham on Friday in honor of Dr. Seuss' birthday and he loved it. He did tell me today that he wished he could go to school there without having to leave me, so I think the transition back next week might be a little rougher. The other good piece of my leaving my job is that at times I'll be able to go with him so he doesn't have to make that choice. In the meantime, we'll have lots of good snuggles and read lots of books during mommy time to let him know he is still important to us.

Life is not perfect, but I'm realizing that the quest for perfection is just that, a quest. And quests are often more about the journey than the destination.