So a month ago I would have thought I'd be overjoyed tonight. The boys head back to school tomorrow and it will only be TR and me at home for the first time. I am excited to have some time alone with TR, it's true, but am surprisingly sad at the thought of my other boys leaving me again. There have definitely been long days this summer, but there has also been fun and a welcome opportunity to spend the time with my boys I'd been missing the last two years while working.
The boys seem to be semi-excited about their new journey. CJ did not get into the Chinese immersion program after all, so we decided to leave AJ in the French program as well. I met with CJ's team for an hour last week and came away with a great sense of confidence. The teachers had great ideas for incorporating him in the classroom and it's obvious that they have the experience to give him what he needs. CJ was thrilled to learn that his French teacher plays the guitar and they will be singing lots of songs in French. The only thing that could make him happier would be if he handed CJ the guitar.
AJ came to the new parent orientation program and got to meet his teachers, which made him happy. He doesn't adapt to change as well as CJ and has more anxiety about the switch from his old school, but he is being incredibly mature about it all. We had a chat this weekend and he is definitely planning for the best. One of his teachers is from London, and he thinks that is pretty cool. There are 4 other new students in the class, which should also help.
Craig and I are happy that both classes have about 20 kids in them and there are two certified teachers in each, a 10 to 1 ratio is hard to get anywhere. It is also an established school, going into it's 12th year, which shows in lots of ways big and small. They have already ironed out a lot of the bugs and have set routines and a fantastic school culture. One example, the school has a first day celebration, complete with a parade down 12th street accompanied by fire trucks, which they will both love.
Erica and I took the boys for a walk on the C & O canal at Great Falls this morning and it was fun to watch them exploring nature. Craig was working on the basement when we got back and AJ took some extra wood and made scales for Craig and I, hammering the nails himself and painting them. He was very proud of his work. CJ played games with his aunt and took it easy. They hung out with friends before dinner and generally had a great last day of summer vacation.
We've delivered the supplies to school. I took orders for first day of school lunches and they are prepped. Craig is going to stay with AJ for the first part of the morning and I'll be in CJ's class with TR. We are all as ready as we can be for the changes that will come with a new school year.
The mixed emotions inherent in parenthood always surprise me. We spend a lot of time waiting for what is to come, for the first steps, first words and all those first days of school. Yet when they are here, they are inevitably accompanied by a tinge of sorrow, for each of those changes is one more small step away from you. We work hard to ensure that our children are prepared to leave the nest in little ways and then big, but can never ease the pain that we feel when we are no longer the center of their lives. It seems that growing pains are not just for children.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Friday, August 21, 2009
It's only money...
We had a good meeting with a psychologist today. Spent a lot of time talking about CJ and his strengths and weaknesses. It sounds like she'll do a great job working with CJ and also coordinating with whatever school he ends up attending, great news. She's going to see him on Tuesday and we'll take it from there.
She also said she thinks he has Sensory Integration Dysfunction (SID). Basically, it means that he can't process all the information coming at him from his senses (think of the mixing bowl at rush hour). He still walks on his tip-toes and has all kind of sensitivities to touch (doesn't like seams in his socks, weird about collars on his neck, etc.) and also hates to use utensils (seriously, he prefers to eat his rice with his fingers). We did have an OT evaluation last year but she wants us to have it redone by someone who specializes in SID to make sure. If he does have SID, she thinks it could also explain his low Performance IQ score since so much of that draws on areas impacted by SID. I have to admit it would be a relief to have a concrete diagnosis that is actually fairly easily handled with Occupational Therapy. We'll see what the new evaluation says, he definitely has sensory issues but whether they are the source of his problems or a symptom remains the question.
Of course, not only are we paying out of pocket for the psychologist but the OT person doesn't take insurance. It feels like a trap, I can either be home so we have the time to figure all this out or I can work so we have the money to pay for it. Still, we are far better off than many and will figure it all out. We can change insurance plans in January, which would mean most of the psychologist is covered. It will more than double our insurance costs but that's still better than paying ourselves. If he does need OT, we should be able to get that through the school so might only need to pay for the evaluation. That means we only have to make it through December and the worst should be over (knock on wood).
We took the boys out tonight for a last dinner at their favorite restaurant (Noodles and Company) and ice cream and then let them run around on the grass at UMD. They had a great time playing hide and seek (very poorly) and climbing trees (very well). It was fun to watch them enjoying the night and each other, another one of those memories I'll carry with me forever.
The thing about kids is that having one of them in need makes you realize that money is only important if it makes the lives of those you care about better. We don't work to earn more so we can buy a better car (although it can be a nice bonus), we work hard to ensure that when something like this happens we can do what needs to be done for our kids.
I hope they all understand that when they show up for school with their home haircuts.
She also said she thinks he has Sensory Integration Dysfunction (SID). Basically, it means that he can't process all the information coming at him from his senses (think of the mixing bowl at rush hour). He still walks on his tip-toes and has all kind of sensitivities to touch (doesn't like seams in his socks, weird about collars on his neck, etc.) and also hates to use utensils (seriously, he prefers to eat his rice with his fingers). We did have an OT evaluation last year but she wants us to have it redone by someone who specializes in SID to make sure. If he does have SID, she thinks it could also explain his low Performance IQ score since so much of that draws on areas impacted by SID. I have to admit it would be a relief to have a concrete diagnosis that is actually fairly easily handled with Occupational Therapy. We'll see what the new evaluation says, he definitely has sensory issues but whether they are the source of his problems or a symptom remains the question.
Of course, not only are we paying out of pocket for the psychologist but the OT person doesn't take insurance. It feels like a trap, I can either be home so we have the time to figure all this out or I can work so we have the money to pay for it. Still, we are far better off than many and will figure it all out. We can change insurance plans in January, which would mean most of the psychologist is covered. It will more than double our insurance costs but that's still better than paying ourselves. If he does need OT, we should be able to get that through the school so might only need to pay for the evaluation. That means we only have to make it through December and the worst should be over (knock on wood).
We took the boys out tonight for a last dinner at their favorite restaurant (Noodles and Company) and ice cream and then let them run around on the grass at UMD. They had a great time playing hide and seek (very poorly) and climbing trees (very well). It was fun to watch them enjoying the night and each other, another one of those memories I'll carry with me forever.
The thing about kids is that having one of them in need makes you realize that money is only important if it makes the lives of those you care about better. We don't work to earn more so we can buy a better car (although it can be a nice bonus), we work hard to ensure that when something like this happens we can do what needs to be done for our kids.
I hope they all understand that when they show up for school with their home haircuts.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Two steps forward...
The boys have been in camp for a week now and it has been going well. It is fascinating how differently the two boys have reacted to the experience.
AJ was pretty traumatized the first day, it is total Chinese immersion and he was fairly miserable not understanding a word his teachers said. He came home in tears saying he never wanted to go back. By the morning he was better and at the end of the second day he was full of happiness and joy, saying it was the best school ever. Twice now he has asked if he can stay there for school.
CJ, on the other hand, sailed through the first day and seemed to be doing fine all week. We had a morning routine that helped him get out of the door and tried to give him down time every night. When I picked him up on Thursday, I got a good report from the principal. I was relieved and hopeful that he would smoothly transition into this school if he got in. Maybe, I thought, the change in environment would do the trick and he would slide right in.
This morning, however, Drew waltzed right into school and Carter through a major fit. A friend watched TJ while I tried to calm and get him inside, which worked. The principal took over from there and gave me a call later to let me know how it went. He had eventually calmed down and had a good conversation with the principal and she then took him back to class and spoke with his teachers. Apparently he hadn't been doing as swimmingly as we thought, they had been letting him lie down on the ground and not take part in class whenever he liked. So he wasn't acting up, but he also wasn't fully participating.
AJ was pretty traumatized the first day, it is total Chinese immersion and he was fairly miserable not understanding a word his teachers said. He came home in tears saying he never wanted to go back. By the morning he was better and at the end of the second day he was full of happiness and joy, saying it was the best school ever. Twice now he has asked if he can stay there for school.
CJ, on the other hand, sailed through the first day and seemed to be doing fine all week. We had a morning routine that helped him get out of the door and tried to give him down time every night. When I picked him up on Thursday, I got a good report from the principal. I was relieved and hopeful that he would smoothly transition into this school if he got in. Maybe, I thought, the change in environment would do the trick and he would slide right in.
This morning, however, Drew waltzed right into school and Carter through a major fit. A friend watched TJ while I tried to calm and get him inside, which worked. The principal took over from there and gave me a call later to let me know how it went. He had eventually calmed down and had a good conversation with the principal and she then took him back to class and spoke with his teachers. Apparently he hadn't been doing as swimmingly as we thought, they had been letting him lie down on the ground and not take part in class whenever he liked. So he wasn't acting up, but he also wasn't fully participating.
The principal believes, and I agree, that this is not something that should be allowed. CJ needs to find appropriate ways to meet his needs and this would not count. We agreed that I would observe the class this week to see how I think it is going and take it from there. I also let her know that we were meeting with a psychologist on Friday and she was excited to hear about that. All of these conversations should be taken in the context that he is still not off the wait list, which makes it even more impressive that the school is taking the time to try and work through all of this with us.
I don't want to feel discouraged and down, but I do. It is amazing how easy it is to get your hopes up that all the problems can be easily solved and everything will be "normal," whatever that means. More than anything, I want CJ to be happy and am struggling to picture a school setting where that occurs. I know this is not the end and hopefully he will be fine in either school once we get everything in place. Things will look better soon.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Rolling, Rolling, Rolling...
Things are moving along in our neck of the woods. I met with CJ's pediatrician Friday morning to go over his evaluations and talk about next steps. She had some good input for us and is going to think about a recommendation for the neuro-psychological evaluation to see if there is an organic cause for his disability. All in all, it was a helpful conversation.
I also left with the name of a psychologist for CJ. When I spoke with her that afternoon she already had his file from the doctor and we had a good conversation. We'll meet with her on the 21st without CJ and if all goes well then she will meet with him once a week for play therapy. She'll update us on how he is doing and will also go to his school to observe him there and provide them with input on how to handle him in class, as well as to take away things she can be working on during their sessions.
I'm particularly excited about finding a psychologist since it will give us another way to help him process what is happening in his life and learn how to compensate for his disability. In play therapy, he'll work on his social skills and understanding how his actions impact those around him. It will also help support him as the adults around him figure out how to structure his world. I know he feels badly when he makes a mistake or acts out and having an outlet for that will help to make sure his self-esteem doesn't suffer.
Of course, it doesn't look like our insurance will cover it so we'll be paying out of pocket, but it's worth it and we're lucky that we can figure out how to pull together the $150 a week. Other families don't even have the option. (Insert strong language supporting health care reform here.)
This is all well timed since CJ and AJ are heading to a summer program at a possible school tomorrow. AJ has moved off the waitlist at a charter school that offers Chinese immersion and an International Baccalaureate program, which moves CJ to the top of the list. The school is offering a two week Chinese boot camp to new students and both boys are going to attend. It will help them be prepared for school should we send them and also provide us with some data on which to base our decision. We are lucky to have the possibility of choosing from two really good programs, although actually deciding might be hard.
I have to admit that I'm really nervous about CJ heading back to school. We had a long talk with the school administrators on Friday and they are incredibly open to his issues and willing to work with us in whatever way possible (their amazing Special Ed program is one of the big draws for the school). I really just want him to be someplace where all his wonderful qualities shine through and he is able to feel successful.
So we're keeping our fingers crossed that the next two weeks go well. All positive thoughts are appreciated!
I also left with the name of a psychologist for CJ. When I spoke with her that afternoon she already had his file from the doctor and we had a good conversation. We'll meet with her on the 21st without CJ and if all goes well then she will meet with him once a week for play therapy. She'll update us on how he is doing and will also go to his school to observe him there and provide them with input on how to handle him in class, as well as to take away things she can be working on during their sessions.
I'm particularly excited about finding a psychologist since it will give us another way to help him process what is happening in his life and learn how to compensate for his disability. In play therapy, he'll work on his social skills and understanding how his actions impact those around him. It will also help support him as the adults around him figure out how to structure his world. I know he feels badly when he makes a mistake or acts out and having an outlet for that will help to make sure his self-esteem doesn't suffer.
Of course, it doesn't look like our insurance will cover it so we'll be paying out of pocket, but it's worth it and we're lucky that we can figure out how to pull together the $150 a week. Other families don't even have the option. (Insert strong language supporting health care reform here.)
This is all well timed since CJ and AJ are heading to a summer program at a possible school tomorrow. AJ has moved off the waitlist at a charter school that offers Chinese immersion and an International Baccalaureate program, which moves CJ to the top of the list. The school is offering a two week Chinese boot camp to new students and both boys are going to attend. It will help them be prepared for school should we send them and also provide us with some data on which to base our decision. We are lucky to have the possibility of choosing from two really good programs, although actually deciding might be hard.
I have to admit that I'm really nervous about CJ heading back to school. We had a long talk with the school administrators on Friday and they are incredibly open to his issues and willing to work with us in whatever way possible (their amazing Special Ed program is one of the big draws for the school). I really just want him to be someplace where all his wonderful qualities shine through and he is able to feel successful.
So we're keeping our fingers crossed that the next two weeks go well. All positive thoughts are appreciated!
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