Almost a year to the day after I told my school I would not be returning in the Fall, I pulled out my resume and started polishing it so I can send it out and hopefully land a job for this September. While part of me looks forward to being back in a school, an equal part of me wishes I could hold on to this year for longer.
I would be lying if I said there weren't individual days when I wanted to crawl out of my skin after the boys were particularly challenging, because there have been. They are far outweighed, however, by the incredible feeling of satisfaction I have experienced all year at being able to be present for my boys' lives in a way that wasn't easily possible when I was working. I've been there every afternoon for pick-up and also whenever there was a problem, when kids are sick or there is a flood or snowstorm that closes school for the week. Things that would have been crises in a world where I needed to be at work became almost stress-free.
Even better, to me, are all the times where I didn't really need to be there but could be. Field trips, of course, but also the 30 minutes I spent listening to the boys talk about their class science fair projects. Seeing how well they explained everything to the judges was amazing and seeing the looks on their faces when they saw me come in the exhibition hall even better. Would they have missed me if I didn't show up at 10:30 am on a Friday? Almost definitely not. Were they completely thrilled I was there and so proud as they showed me a part of their lives I would not have seen otherwise? Without a doubt.
I have also loved having a chance to spend time with TR before he joins the ranks of the school-bound. We have spent much of it doing nothing in particular and loving it, coloring is a big favorite and reading books definitely rates. There is something of a rhythm to our lives. We have great conversations about what he did at pre-school that morning during lunch on M, W and F (amazing to me since, in contrast, my 7 yo apparently does absolutely nothing all day, every day). We've hit some playgroups on Tuesdays and the library on Thursday. He comes to Stokes with me when I have committee meetings and plays with other little brothers while the grown-ups talk. He is three, with all that entails, but is also sweet and adorable and so excited to be with me that it makes me catch my breath at times. He's my last little one and having the chance to enjoy him in this way is a gift.
Another gift has been the time to step back and really focus on CJ and what he needs to be successful at home and school. We had a plan at the beginning of the year and, as with all plans, have had to adjust it many times over the last 6 months. My being home made all those adjustments almost easy and we have been thrilled to see the work begin to pay off. He is writing and coloring up a storm, a huge achievement for my guy who couldn't stand to hold a pencil or crayon, and making progress in other ways as well. We have a long way to go but have made a great start.
I've also been able to focus more on my health and have made great progress there. There are still bad days or weeks, a given with a chronic illness, but they are now shorter and farther apart. I've learned what to do to manage them better and Craig has had less stress trying to be all things to everyone when they occur.
Unfortunately, we don't have a printing press in the basement so back to work I go next year. And I'm not actually that unhappy about going back. It will be nice once again to be doing the job I enjoy. I am, I admit, hoping that the perfect part-time job will appear, one that gives me the funds we need and also the flexibility to keep some parts of this great year going. We'll see what happens, but I'm not holding my breathe.
Most important, to me, is knowing that the decision I made a year ago was in fact the best one I could have made for myself and my family. Whatever comes next, we are all better prepared to handle it because we've had this time and for that I am truly thankful.
