A Sense of Style

I freely admit that I am about as far from a designer as one can get. When it comes to my home, organization is essential to me and I can do a good job at that. The aesthetic side of design, however, is not my thing. Which is actually funny, because apparently the woman who built our current house is completely enamored with design and good at it. In fact, I have been intimated by that knowledge. It has made for an odd situation as I try to claim the space as my own, yet feel somehow like I don't have the right to critique someone who obviously knows what they are doing far more than I do.

It has taken me a while to realize that just because she has good taste, doesn't mean I have to like everything she did and my choices can be equally valid. Since I reason best while writing, this is to help me sort out what I want to do. You're welcome to come along for the ride and I would love advice from all my friends with a great sense of style. There are pictures to help visualize. If you don't like HGTV, you should probably stop reading now.

Color is a big deal, mainly because I hate picking them. She had some great colors in the house and I will definitely keep a couple. The color in the main room is perfect since it accents all the great light that comes in through the windows. The amount of light in the house was one of the top three reasons we bought it so keeping this space nice and bright is a big priority. Given that the fireplace is this 2 story stone monstrosity (not something we would have picked at all), having a neutral color on the walls is also important.

My only pet peeve about the house is the crazy TV accoutrement on all the walls. First thing I did was set up a media room in the basement and that is the only location with a TV in the house. I love this as it is definitely out of sight, out of mind! As you can see, they had a TV in the living room and behind it there are cable hook-ups and what I assume are spots for surround sound. I had to find something big enough to hang there and cover it all. The front room (aka the formal living room) has the same thing. I suppose if you are a family with 7 TVs this is important, if you are not they are simply a pain in the butt.

A color I can appreciate but don't want to keep is in the dining room.

I like the chocolate, but it is too dark for me. Ideally, I'd keep the color below the chair rail and paint a lighter color above it but I'm not sure about finding a complimentary color without knowing what this one is called. We also need to paint all the trim since I'm sensing she painted in a hurry before it went on the market, most of the rooms are a pretty sloppy job. I am happy to report that the chandelier is gone, gone, gone. Neither Craig nor I like those fake candle lights (Craig particularly since they are apparently as far from Energy Star as you can get in a light bulb) and the putty color is not us. We put up the one from our old house, which is antique bronze, replaced the small lights in the halls and then I spray painted the lights in the foyer and over the kitchen table to match (so HGTV of me). Our dining room furniture is dark wood so I'd like something lighter, but haven't sorted out what yet. Anyone have a favorite color they'd like to share with me?

The front room is directly across from the dining room and fades into the background in comparison.

See? Completely lacking in character. I have to admit I also don't understand the furniture placement, the couch is actually facing the dining room table, which is across the foyer. I see this in a lot of houses, so I assume there must be a design principle I don't know behind it, but to me it simply seems to draw attention away from the room you're in and send it elsewhere. We put our sofa on the wall with the framed picture, so it is facing the windows and a set of chairs. Can't decide if I need a bolder color in here or not. We have some big furniture in this room now so it might be okay.

Two areas that must change color very quickly are the foyer and the kitchen. The foyer has this faux paint finish, not my thing in the first place, and then they patched the top of one wall and didn't replace the finish and put Spackle on some nail holes that makes the walls look diseased in places. I think I'm going to try and match the color of the living room for this area. The kitchen is a shade of blue that I don't get at all. (Warning: the color in the picture doesn't seem as off as it does in real life.)



Kitchen



Long View of Kitchen from Living Room

I do love the kitchen, especially that it does not have granite countertops, cherry cabinets and stainless steel appliances. I am a white kitchen kind of girl and a light wood is the next best thing. There was the random stainless fridge, but I brought my awesome french door fridge from DC, which is white, and we bought a new white dishwasher. This fridge is now out in the garage, and it's great having a second fridge along with the freezer we brought with us. We did not replace the oven, mainly because I am hoping to figure out a way to put in a double oven with a separate cooktop without having to redo the entire kitchen. The color must go, however. The baby blue drives me crazy. I love yellow kitchens, but don't think it would go with the cabinets. Was actually thinking of a darker blue but it might be risky, we'll see. The light over the kitchen table, FYI, is the one I painted bronze. It was really easy and looks great.

Well, there you have it. I actually feel much better. I have admitted publicly that I don't like everything she did to the house and no one has shown up at the house to drag me away in cuffs. I am not a designer of any sort, but I don't have to be. I just have to know what I like and be willing to go boldly forth with it. I have often suspected that a sense of style was more about chutzpa than taste and if that's true then I'm set. Chutzpa I have in spades.

Assuming I find the time to actually fix all this, I'll post the after pictures and you can judge whether I make the house better, worse, or simply change it to a different style.

Trapped and thankful for it...

Today I endured day 7 of my confinement, waiting for AR to recover from his never-ending and pretty nasty cold. I have made a couple of necessary trips to the store and church to teach Sunday School and Craig took time off last week so I could go to the gym and run an errand or two. We also went to a party on Saturday, when we incorrectly thought he was better. Other than that, however, it's been me and the little guy hanging out in our house sniffling and getting lots and lots of hugs (the cold has apparently brought on separation anxiety). Particularly amusing about all this is that it is simultaneously the type of experience that makes me want to go back to work and a big reason why I'm not working in the first place.

A sick child is the Achilles Heel of the working parent. I imagine most couples have had the debate over whose turn it is to stay home with a sick child, and for single parents the challenge is even greater. As a teacher, I've had students get sick in class and then tell me they threw up in the parking lot as well but their parents told them they had to go to school because the parent couldn't miss work or at least had to go in for a few hours. I know a lot of parents who have dosed their kids with Tylenol to conceal a fever and sent them to school or daycare or even taken them into work with them because they have a deadline they can't miss.  Don't get me wrong, I pass no judgement on this. In a world with limited leave and huge pressure to perform, parents do what they have to do in order to keep their jobs. I'm sure none of them want to take a sick child anywhere and wouldn't if they had a true choice.

I, however, did have a choice and made it when we decided to give up the second income and all that it provides to have me at home. This situation is exactly why we made that sacrifice. We're lucky that it was an option and our kids are lucky that, as crazy it might make me, there will be someone home with them for as long as it takes them to get well.

I am, however, wishing really hard that day is not too far away for AR. Although, given the way he was tugging on his ear today, I'm sensing we might not be as close as I'd like. Luckily, I've got nowhere to be but here - and the doctor's office.

Channeling June Cleaver

I am not a patient person. A statement which will come as no surprise to you if you have spent more than 10 minutes in my presence. When I was contemplating teaching as a profession, I was actually concerned about whether I was patient enough to last in a classroom with children. Interestingly, in the classroom is the one place where I seem to have endless patience. I'm not sure how or why but since it enables me to be successful at a job I love, I don't look a gift horse in the mouth. I only wish that same trait carried over to my house.

I love my children a lot and think they deserve a great mom, one who gives them hugs and kisses, makes their boo-boos (physical and emotional) feel better, and disciplines them calmly and rationally. I can generally manage the first two, but the last eludes me far more often than I'd like to admit. I have definitely yelled at my children and just last week had to leave my house when I found myself about to take Christmas away from TR (seriously). The worst is that often it is not even that their behavior is worse than normal, but that I am more tired and stressed out and have lost whatever limited patience I have. Lowering my stress level has therefore helped greatly and I don't think I have completely scarred them yet, but I wish I could show my own children the same side of me I showed my class.

Of course, in school all I had to do was work with my students so it was easy to figure out their quirks and be proactive in handling all their behaviors. At home, I juggle kids, laundry, dinner, cleaning and, occasionally, writing. In some ways, it was easier when I was working since I spent far less time with them and it's hard to get to frustrated in only 2-3 hours a day. Still, I know there are parents out there who manage to get through their lives without yelling at their kids and I'd love to know their secret, because I'm sure they want to yell often but have someone found a way to stop themselves. Anyone willing to share is welcome to do so. In the meantime, I'll keep trying to use tools from my classroom in my home and hope that helps.

Oh, and do I really want to be June Cleaver? Of course not. Still, the thought of having all of life's problems solved in 30 minutes is definitely appealing. I have a few I'd love to run by the writers right now.

Timing

You have probably noticed I am not writing every day. I actually come up with a lot to write about throughout the day (I have a list in my mind that would keep me busy for several days). Unfortunately, by 7:30 pm when TR and AR are in bed, I'm completely exhausted and incapable of putting together coherent sentences without significant effort. I tend to get a second wind around 8:30 or 9, but if I write then I don't finish until 11 pm and then need to detox a bit so suddenly it's midnight and I'm pretty much out of luck if I want to get more than 5 or 6 hours of sleep.

Someone told me once that the secret to truly successful people (the CEOs of the world) is that they need less sleep than the rest of us. I believe it. Note I said NEED less sleep, not GET by on less sleep. This is a crucial difference. I have spent much of the last 9 years getting by on 5 or 6 hours of sleep, but I am certainly not doing my best work and, really, most of us aren't. I am jealous of those few who actually need just 5 hours of sleep and so are in top form no matter how many times their child wakes up because they're cold or teething. (Actually, I assume they are getting less sleep because they are working long hours, but you get the picture.)

I'm hoping when Christmas is over, and I'm not out shopping for stocking stuffers at 10 pm so that I can leave AR at home, things will be better. I have so much useless information to share with you all and I know how sad you are not to be hearing my inner ramblings.

I, however, am going to do the unthinkable and try for 7 hours of sleep tonight. I'll need it since I will be trapped in the house tomorrow with vacationing children on a rainy day while men are finishing up some work. So excited. Did I mention they'll be turning off the water to the whole house for at least part of the day. Yay!

Admit it, CEOs, you're jealous.

Missing

I miss my life. I miss my friends. I miss coffee at Sureia on Wednesdays. I miss my semi-regular book club. I miss our old holiday traditions. I miss the metro.

Life is good out here, but it doesn't yet feel like mine. I want everything to be just like it was a year ago. Except that I don't, really. What I really want is everything I love about here and everything I love about DC at the same time. That's not too much to ask is it?

Yeah, I know. So for now, I'll just keep missing that life and figuring out how to make this new one fit as well as the old one. It only took 20 years to get that life in DC, right? Piece of cake. Sigh.

I miss my life.

Christmas in a small town

This holiday season is probably the first time it has really hit home that we are not in liberal land anymore. The first hint? When AJ shared that he learned Silent Night in music class that day. I was a little thrown, I admit, not just a Christmas song, but a religious one at that. I confess I did speak to the principal about it. Interestingly, she assumed we don't celebrate Christmas, and that's why I was bringing it up. I said we did, but knew that not everyone else does. She was very understanding and, frankly, I didn't ask for a lot. I was mainly raising it for future thought. We left it that she would talk to the music teacher about a less religious choice.

The big hint? That would be the great big manger sitting in front of the courthouse on main street. Apparently, as part of Christmas in Old Town, you can dress up and get your picture taken in a living nativity. I think it is meant to provide an alternative to the whole Santa photo op and is actually a pretty neat idea. My neighbor mentioned her daughter wanting to get a photo and raised the issue of the location, she knew I would have noted it. I said I wanted to get a picture to show friends in DC. She said "yes, we love Jesus out here" with a lot of conviction in her voice. This reminded me of my conversation with the principal. The idea seemed to be that you would only find something wrong with it if you didn't agree with the sentiment expressed.

This makes sense to some extent. After all, if everyone is Christian then a manger in front of the courthouse doesn't matter. It is only the existence of non-Christians, be they atheists, Jews or Muslims, that makes any of this an issue. I can't say I would have a problem with it if I knew for a fact that no one else would mind. So from one angle, loving Jesus, or perhaps not loving Jesus, is at the heart of the problem. If the nativity is only for those who already love Jesus then fighting to keep it in a location you find important makes sense, regardless of who you offend, because it doesn't matter, largely, what those who don't believe in Jesus feel.

I think, however, that it's not just for those who already love Jesus. I firmly believe a nativity scene can be significant even for those who will never see Jesus as a savior. Whether someone is a true believer or not, his existence and teachings can have a huge impact on them, and the nativity is one of the reminders we have that he was here and had something to share. Also, teaching others how to live better lives was his goal and Jesus probably knew you seldom bring about change in anyone by first offending them. Similarly, people who are busy being upset about the location of the manger will be far less likely to take in the simple beauty and message that a living nativity can offer. And isn't the message what really matters, not where you see it? Keeping that location feels a little to me like winning the battle but losing the war.

For now, however, I will choose my battles and heed my own advice about not offending others while seeking change and simply enjoy Christmas in my small town.

OMG, school is important for getting a job?!

Note: So I wrote this on a rampage and I stand by what I said, but do feel like I should add a caveat. The issues I saw with my students do exist, but I want to be clear that this was not all the students with whom I worked. Many of them were just as focused as their peers elsewhere and had the support system to get where they needed to go., They, however, are generally not the ones struggling years later. I'm writing here about a specific segment of the student body, not the whole thing.

DCentric is doing a hard-hitting series this week on the unemployment gap that exists in DC. They have made incredible discoveries, including the fact that unemployment in Ward 8 is 26.4% and in Ward 3 is 2.8%, and that this difference is likely caused by a skills gap between the two populations. Equally startling is the fact that the high percentage of Ward 8 residents with a criminal record contributes to its high unemployment numbers. Seriously? How is this even remotely considered news? Who living in DC doesn't know that someone with a college degree and no criminal record is going to have an easier time getting a job than a high school drop-out with a drug record? Who living on this planet doesn't know this?

I find this one of the most frustrating aspects of DC, the ability of people endlessly to research and discover the source of the city's problems without ever actually coming up with a solution for them. In part, I believe, this stems from a stubborn unwillingness to assign any responsibility for change to the people needing the help. Yep, I said it, I am a card-carrying liberal who believes in personal responsibility, as in fact most of us do. We just don't believe in personal responsibility without public support.

When I was teaching in DC high schools, I had a lot of students who would talk about going to college. They knew exactly where they'd go, what they'd study while there and what they'd do after they got their degree. In the meantime, they'd skip school at least once a week and never crack a book. (There's the lack of personal responsibility.) Here's the thing, however, they knew they were supposed to go to college in order to have a better life, but they didn't have the foggiest idea of what you had to do to get there. (That would be where the public support comes in.)

In high school, everyone of my friends and I knew our GPA and what that meant for our college hopes. We knew what SAT score we needed for the school of our dreams and spent our free time in activities that we enjoyed, yes, but that also would look good on college applications. My students often had no idea what their GPA even was, much less what it meant for their future. I had one student who was in her 4th year of high school but was still a sophomore, since she skipped so much school that she had yet to complete enough classes to equal two full years of school. When she announced to me in March that she'd miss me after she graduated in May, I was shocked. I assumed she knew she was only a sophomore, but she didn't. While we were explaining to her that she had at least two more years of school before graduation, if she attended consistently, she just kept saying, "but I've been coming to high school for 4 years." In her mind, it wasn't what you did in the building that mattered, simply that you were there, at least some of the time.

To give her credit, she did do more than many of her peers who simply stopped coming all together, so it was an accomplishment of which she could be proud in its own way. It would not, however, earn her a degree. She was not alone in simply failing to grasp how the day-to-day decisions she was making would impact her future. While I and my friends were being socialized into college prep, these students were socialized into high school dropout. There was often no one to make sure they were read to every night when little, or tell them to turn off the TV and do their homework, or help them with the math problem they just couldn't understand. They generally didn't hear their parents talking about their college days with their friends or visit their offices and see the jobs that these degrees earned them. They probably didn't hear about how hard they worked in high school to get into that college and how you can't take it for granted. A high school diploma is earned, not given, and grades good enough to get into college are even harder to earn. But all they knew was that you went to high school for 4 years and then college. As the reality of the work involved set in, a lot of them gave up.

Is this their fault? Not really. They are indeed victims of their surroundings and they need help. First, they need teachers that not only care about them but are honest with them. For example, nothing drives me more crazy than a teacher putting a sub-par piece of student work on the wall. When you put student work up on your classroom wall, you are telling them you are proud of that work and want to show it off to the rest of class. I have seen teachers do that with work that is full of spelling mistakes, poor grammar, and is generally sloppy. Is this what you want students to think is an acceptable level of work? I'm all about making students feel good about themselves, but I don't lie to them and I don't let them think I believe them capable of less than they are. I tier my work like crazy, so a student may only have to write a one paragraph essay instead of the two pages everyone else is writing, but that one paragraph will be perfect.

Second, they need someone to show them what life is like for the middle class. Most of my students had never been to the museums or the White House or the Capital. They didn't know how to act in a restaurant or store. Polite and respect were often dirty words. To be polite or to act respectful, to them, seemed to acknowledge someone as better than you or give them power over you. They couldn't do that and, coming from where they are, I don't blame them. But they need to learn that everywhere is not like where they live. They might as well have been on a different continent for all they knew about what happened outside their neighborhood. I actually had a conversation with one class that was shocked to learn that blacks were in the minority in the United States. They truly believed that whites were the minority, and that we were all rich. (They were always incredibly disappointed to see my old car that was definitely not high-end.) They just couldn't fathom life outside of their small neighborhood. Bottom line, you can't strive for something you can't visualize.

Finally, they need for people not to make excuses for them. At the end of the day, their lives will only change if they are willing to work to make them change. We can feel sorry for them and want everything to be better, but only they can do it. The longer we let them get away with behavior we wouldn't tolerate in our children or our peers, the greater the disservice we are doing them.