Growing Up...

I bought 4 pairs of size 12 jeans today for my oldest boy, as well as a 24" bike, and two days ago signed him up for his first sleep-away camp experience. How crazy is that? I just last week dressed my youngest in one of the outfits his biggest brother wore when he was a toddler. I have an incredibly vivid memory of how much fun I had buying it for him and how completely adorable he was in it. I can still feel the great big hugs he used to give me during his occasional love checks while playing at that same age. I am not ready to be the mom of this boy who is almost my height. I am certainly not ready for how ready he is to embrace independence.

When I mentioned camp to him, he didn't even blink. A yell of happiness at going was quickly followed by a howl of disappointment once he realized he had to wait 4 whole months before heading out to explore the world on his own for the first time. I know it will be harder for him as the time gets closer and reality sets in, but part of me wondered how this child, who was my one and only for 19 months, can be so happy at the thought of being on his own for a week. I know he'll miss me, but also recognize that we stand at the beginning of The Time When I Become Unnecessary.

The really sad thing is that it gets earlier and earlier with each child. My youngest already seems bored when it is just the two of us. He wants his brothers and their friends around to keep him entertained. Mom sitting on the floor playing with some blocks just doesn't cut it anymore. We have started going to storytime at the library and that seems acceptable so far, but really, at 14 months, our oldest thought watching mom put away dishes was incredible exciting. Oh, how jaded we have become. Apparently, he is as keen to start daycare two mornings a week and make his own friends as I am to have the time to focus on work. Luckily, I have learned that you can't try and make your children operate on your timetable. They are ready for the next step when they are ready, whether it's at 14 months or 9 years, even if you are not.

Actually, I do feel a sense a pride that we have managed to create a child who is confident enough in himself that he is excited by the thought of being on his own. And, after all, you do know going into parenthood that the goal is to do a good enough job that you put yourself out of work. But, as with most things, KNOWING something and FEELING it are entirely different experiences.

I find that I am still learning a lot about being a parent, like the fact that you can miss someone even before they physically leave you.

Claiming my own space (with pics)

My office!

I have an office. This might not sound like a big deal, but it is enormous for me. For the first time in over a decade I have a space that is all mine. (Okay, I do have some kid furniture in there, but that's just being realistic about my life right now.) Really though, it's amazing. My computer, printer, paper, bills and files are all in one place, so I'm not constantly having to go to another room to get something. It now tops my list of best things about my new house. I loved our old house, but it was so small that every inch was dedicated to the kids or the family as a whole. I spent the most time in that house every day and somehow had the least amount of space. Craig had the basement and the boys had basically everywhere else. I kind of perched in different places but didn't have anywhere to call my own.

This is no longer true. Here I took a space that wasn't being completely utilized and made it mine. I chose the paint color and the furniture and even did all the work myself, although Craig did have to jump in and help a few times. I'm not quite done, want to put either pictures or a memo board over the console and I need an office chair, but I'll get there. It was so much fun to put together. I had a very small glimpse at how the pioneers must have felt a hundred years ago as they claimed something and made it their own. I even have my own displaced persons, since the room I took over was the room on the first floor that my parents use when they visit. Not to worry, though, I left the center of the room open and have a nifty portable bed from Front Gate they can use. Don't want any unfortunate incidents to occur if the former inhabitants rebel.

I also feel like it was the first step in making this Laura's house instead of Amy's house. As I said before, the former owner had a great sense of style, which is why I didn't feel like I had to do much of anything before moving in here, but it was odd to live somewhere someone else had decorated. Starting to put my stamp on it has made me feel more at home. It actually inspired me to paint my kitchen. My mom helped with this, which was great since it turned out to be a much bigger project than I imagined. I picked a darker and warmer color and love how it makes the space feel cosier. I'll apologize for the pictures now, the boys broke my camera so I took these using our mini-camcorder and the resolution could be better.

Old color

New color

I probably broke some design rule because the new color is very different from the color in the living room next to it in the open plan, but I actually like that it makes a visual break in the space. 

living room right next to kitchen

Transition between the two

I also still need to do some decorating in the kitchen. My plates didn't work with the new color so I've moved them to the dining room and I'm not really sure what else to use. I also need to finish organizing the area by the desk and the door to the garage. That will be boy central, with a place for backpacks, coats and all things school related. Oh, and the light over the table is the one I spray-painted. It used to be an icky putty color, but I like it much better in antique bronze.

Anyway, I am off to my office to finish my latest work assignment. Yes, I have managed to say the words "my office" a ridiculous number of times in the last week and it still makes me smile.

Missing Dad

I am incredibly lucky that Craig's job requires very little travel. I have several friends and a sister-in-law whose husbands are regularly away from home. You'd think, therefore, that when he does head out of town we'd be able to go with the flow, and, for the most part, we do. During the week our lives are not so different since he's gone for 12 hours a day as it is. Weekends aren't fun but that is far less common anyway. Really, it wouldn't be that bad if it weren't for the cosmic chaos that seems to descend every time.

What's cosmic chaos? Cosmic chaos is having a sick baby and finding out you and your 5 year old have lice 24 hours after Craig leaves. It's the fact that in the last 24 hours, I've hurt my ankle and AR now has a butterfly bandage over the cut on his eyelid that almost required general anesthesia and sutures. It's those moments when you feel like one more event will push you over the edge and the result won't be pretty. I wonder, though, if it's really that much more chaotic than our normal life or if it just seems that way when I'm on my own.

Economists and politicians talk all the time about the economic benefits of two-parent households and I can see what they mean. I'm grateful that Craig working means I can stay home and it's great to know that if we really needed extra money it would be easy to achieve with my returning to work. I do not want to downplay the advantages all this provides to me and my children. But, to me, the real advantage to having that second parent in the house is not financial, but emotional.

I love knowing that someone has my back when things start to feel like they are spinning out of control. When I've had one of those days, the sight of Craig walking in the door is enough to put a song in my heart. You can almost sense a shift in the emotional balance of the room as he takes over soothing whichever child is in tears or cautioning the child who put them there. The space just to walk away and shut a door for 15 minutes and know that everything will go on out in the other room as it should is an amazing gift.

Just like bad days are made better by his presence, so too good days achieve new heights. Children already in good moods bubble over in their eagerness to tell dad all about the great things they did that day. More and better stories are told and plans made for the future add to the mix of happiness. Smiles seem brighter and the games we play simply more fun when we add in another adult to help guide the way and ensure every child feels they are receiving sufficient attention.

Could I do it all on my own? Of course I could, and in a way that meant my children were as well-adjusted as any others. I see single parents in action every day and the amazing amount of love and attention they shower on their children makes you realize just how great a parent one person can be. While I could do it on my own, however, I am grateful every day for the support from Craig that means I'm not managing the cosmic chaos alone. I'm also grateful for the occasional business trip to help remind me just how lucky I am.

A Sense of Style

I freely admit that I am about as far from a designer as one can get. When it comes to my home, organization is essential to me and I can do a good job at that. The aesthetic side of design, however, is not my thing. Which is actually funny, because apparently the woman who built our current house is completely enamored with design and good at it. In fact, I have been intimated by that knowledge. It has made for an odd situation as I try to claim the space as my own, yet feel somehow like I don't have the right to critique someone who obviously knows what they are doing far more than I do.

It has taken me a while to realize that just because she has good taste, doesn't mean I have to like everything she did and my choices can be equally valid. Since I reason best while writing, this is to help me sort out what I want to do. You're welcome to come along for the ride and I would love advice from all my friends with a great sense of style. There are pictures to help visualize. If you don't like HGTV, you should probably stop reading now.

Color is a big deal, mainly because I hate picking them. She had some great colors in the house and I will definitely keep a couple. The color in the main room is perfect since it accents all the great light that comes in through the windows. The amount of light in the house was one of the top three reasons we bought it so keeping this space nice and bright is a big priority. Given that the fireplace is this 2 story stone monstrosity (not something we would have picked at all), having a neutral color on the walls is also important.

My only pet peeve about the house is the crazy TV accoutrement on all the walls. First thing I did was set up a media room in the basement and that is the only location with a TV in the house. I love this as it is definitely out of sight, out of mind! As you can see, they had a TV in the living room and behind it there are cable hook-ups and what I assume are spots for surround sound. I had to find something big enough to hang there and cover it all. The front room (aka the formal living room) has the same thing. I suppose if you are a family with 7 TVs this is important, if you are not they are simply a pain in the butt.

A color I can appreciate but don't want to keep is in the dining room.

I like the chocolate, but it is too dark for me. Ideally, I'd keep the color below the chair rail and paint a lighter color above it but I'm not sure about finding a complimentary color without knowing what this one is called. We also need to paint all the trim since I'm sensing she painted in a hurry before it went on the market, most of the rooms are a pretty sloppy job. I am happy to report that the chandelier is gone, gone, gone. Neither Craig nor I like those fake candle lights (Craig particularly since they are apparently as far from Energy Star as you can get in a light bulb) and the putty color is not us. We put up the one from our old house, which is antique bronze, replaced the small lights in the halls and then I spray painted the lights in the foyer and over the kitchen table to match (so HGTV of me). Our dining room furniture is dark wood so I'd like something lighter, but haven't sorted out what yet. Anyone have a favorite color they'd like to share with me?

The front room is directly across from the dining room and fades into the background in comparison.

See? Completely lacking in character. I have to admit I also don't understand the furniture placement, the couch is actually facing the dining room table, which is across the foyer. I see this in a lot of houses, so I assume there must be a design principle I don't know behind it, but to me it simply seems to draw attention away from the room you're in and send it elsewhere. We put our sofa on the wall with the framed picture, so it is facing the windows and a set of chairs. Can't decide if I need a bolder color in here or not. We have some big furniture in this room now so it might be okay.

Two areas that must change color very quickly are the foyer and the kitchen. The foyer has this faux paint finish, not my thing in the first place, and then they patched the top of one wall and didn't replace the finish and put Spackle on some nail holes that makes the walls look diseased in places. I think I'm going to try and match the color of the living room for this area. The kitchen is a shade of blue that I don't get at all. (Warning: the color in the picture doesn't seem as off as it does in real life.)



Kitchen



Long View of Kitchen from Living Room

I do love the kitchen, especially that it does not have granite countertops, cherry cabinets and stainless steel appliances. I am a white kitchen kind of girl and a light wood is the next best thing. There was the random stainless fridge, but I brought my awesome french door fridge from DC, which is white, and we bought a new white dishwasher. This fridge is now out in the garage, and it's great having a second fridge along with the freezer we brought with us. We did not replace the oven, mainly because I am hoping to figure out a way to put in a double oven with a separate cooktop without having to redo the entire kitchen. The color must go, however. The baby blue drives me crazy. I love yellow kitchens, but don't think it would go with the cabinets. Was actually thinking of a darker blue but it might be risky, we'll see. The light over the kitchen table, FYI, is the one I painted bronze. It was really easy and looks great.

Well, there you have it. I actually feel much better. I have admitted publicly that I don't like everything she did to the house and no one has shown up at the house to drag me away in cuffs. I am not a designer of any sort, but I don't have to be. I just have to know what I like and be willing to go boldly forth with it. I have often suspected that a sense of style was more about chutzpa than taste and if that's true then I'm set. Chutzpa I have in spades.

Assuming I find the time to actually fix all this, I'll post the after pictures and you can judge whether I make the house better, worse, or simply change it to a different style.

Trapped and thankful for it...

Today I endured day 7 of my confinement, waiting for AR to recover from his never-ending and pretty nasty cold. I have made a couple of necessary trips to the store and church to teach Sunday School and Craig took time off last week so I could go to the gym and run an errand or two. We also went to a party on Saturday, when we incorrectly thought he was better. Other than that, however, it's been me and the little guy hanging out in our house sniffling and getting lots and lots of hugs (the cold has apparently brought on separation anxiety). Particularly amusing about all this is that it is simultaneously the type of experience that makes me want to go back to work and a big reason why I'm not working in the first place.

A sick child is the Achilles Heel of the working parent. I imagine most couples have had the debate over whose turn it is to stay home with a sick child, and for single parents the challenge is even greater. As a teacher, I've had students get sick in class and then tell me they threw up in the parking lot as well but their parents told them they had to go to school because the parent couldn't miss work or at least had to go in for a few hours. I know a lot of parents who have dosed their kids with Tylenol to conceal a fever and sent them to school or daycare or even taken them into work with them because they have a deadline they can't miss.  Don't get me wrong, I pass no judgement on this. In a world with limited leave and huge pressure to perform, parents do what they have to do in order to keep their jobs. I'm sure none of them want to take a sick child anywhere and wouldn't if they had a true choice.

I, however, did have a choice and made it when we decided to give up the second income and all that it provides to have me at home. This situation is exactly why we made that sacrifice. We're lucky that it was an option and our kids are lucky that, as crazy it might make me, there will be someone home with them for as long as it takes them to get well.

I am, however, wishing really hard that day is not too far away for AR. Although, given the way he was tugging on his ear today, I'm sensing we might not be as close as I'd like. Luckily, I've got nowhere to be but here - and the doctor's office.

Channeling June Cleaver

I am not a patient person. A statement which will come as no surprise to you if you have spent more than 10 minutes in my presence. When I was contemplating teaching as a profession, I was actually concerned about whether I was patient enough to last in a classroom with children. Interestingly, in the classroom is the one place where I seem to have endless patience. I'm not sure how or why but since it enables me to be successful at a job I love, I don't look a gift horse in the mouth. I only wish that same trait carried over to my house.

I love my children a lot and think they deserve a great mom, one who gives them hugs and kisses, makes their boo-boos (physical and emotional) feel better, and disciplines them calmly and rationally. I can generally manage the first two, but the last eludes me far more often than I'd like to admit. I have definitely yelled at my children and just last week had to leave my house when I found myself about to take Christmas away from TR (seriously). The worst is that often it is not even that their behavior is worse than normal, but that I am more tired and stressed out and have lost whatever limited patience I have. Lowering my stress level has therefore helped greatly and I don't think I have completely scarred them yet, but I wish I could show my own children the same side of me I showed my class.

Of course, in school all I had to do was work with my students so it was easy to figure out their quirks and be proactive in handling all their behaviors. At home, I juggle kids, laundry, dinner, cleaning and, occasionally, writing. In some ways, it was easier when I was working since I spent far less time with them and it's hard to get to frustrated in only 2-3 hours a day. Still, I know there are parents out there who manage to get through their lives without yelling at their kids and I'd love to know their secret, because I'm sure they want to yell often but have someone found a way to stop themselves. Anyone willing to share is welcome to do so. In the meantime, I'll keep trying to use tools from my classroom in my home and hope that helps.

Oh, and do I really want to be June Cleaver? Of course not. Still, the thought of having all of life's problems solved in 30 minutes is definitely appealing. I have a few I'd love to run by the writers right now.

Timing

You have probably noticed I am not writing every day. I actually come up with a lot to write about throughout the day (I have a list in my mind that would keep me busy for several days). Unfortunately, by 7:30 pm when TR and AR are in bed, I'm completely exhausted and incapable of putting together coherent sentences without significant effort. I tend to get a second wind around 8:30 or 9, but if I write then I don't finish until 11 pm and then need to detox a bit so suddenly it's midnight and I'm pretty much out of luck if I want to get more than 5 or 6 hours of sleep.

Someone told me once that the secret to truly successful people (the CEOs of the world) is that they need less sleep than the rest of us. I believe it. Note I said NEED less sleep, not GET by on less sleep. This is a crucial difference. I have spent much of the last 9 years getting by on 5 or 6 hours of sleep, but I am certainly not doing my best work and, really, most of us aren't. I am jealous of those few who actually need just 5 hours of sleep and so are in top form no matter how many times their child wakes up because they're cold or teething. (Actually, I assume they are getting less sleep because they are working long hours, but you get the picture.)

I'm hoping when Christmas is over, and I'm not out shopping for stocking stuffers at 10 pm so that I can leave AR at home, things will be better. I have so much useless information to share with you all and I know how sad you are not to be hearing my inner ramblings.

I, however, am going to do the unthinkable and try for 7 hours of sleep tonight. I'll need it since I will be trapped in the house tomorrow with vacationing children on a rainy day while men are finishing up some work. So excited. Did I mention they'll be turning off the water to the whole house for at least part of the day. Yay!

Admit it, CEOs, you're jealous.