Last weekend, we trekked up to Lancaster County for a family funfest. Five other families were along for the trip and there were a total of 14 kids (all 6 and under). We slept in real cabooses, visited a huge train museum, fed and petted farm animals and spent a day at Dutch Wonderland. For all the kids it was a weekend filled with overstimulation and could have been a disaster for CJ, that it wasn't I believe shows his and our progress in handling his needs.
CJ deserves huge credit for having learned how to recognize when he is overwhelmed and seeking a break from the situation causing it. At one point, all the kids were playing on the main playground and CJ came up and told me "there are big kids here now and I'm going to fight them." I told him that wouldn't be a good choice and he shouldn't and he said "No, mommy, I'm going to." I asked if he wanted to take a break and he said yes. After half an hour of alone time, he came back and rejoined his peers and was fine. This was the first of several times he asked to go "home" to the caboose and he spent a part of each day hanging out with dad, either in the caboose or at a smaller playground on a different part of the grounds where he could play by himself.
This was big piece for Craig and I. We listened to and validated his needs, allowing him to set his schedule and do what he needed to maintain his composure. In the past, we hadn't always responded to the clues he gave us that he needed a break and pushed him too far. We have all had a steep learning curve this year and it is good to have concrete proof that it is paying off and we are making progress in helping CJ navigate his world.
I have to credit his new school and my mom for a lot of this progress. Moving him in February was not easy, but it has paid off in spades. In a smaller class, with a teacher who knew how to handle him, CJ was able to focus on himself and learn what he needed to do. With just CJ to handle, my mom was able to work on the same skills at home that his teacher was tackling at school. The two of them made a fabulous team and I'm not sure we can ever thank them enough. It also gave Craig and I time to sort out our part in managing CJ, we were able to take a step back and look at what we needed to do to help him. The benefit of that space cannot be over-stated.
This summer will be the next big challenge for me. This weekend was easier because there were two of us. One could stay with the other boys and one could take CJ off for his break. My challenge will be finding a way to negotiate our new reality when it is just me and all three boys. The fact is that CJ at times needs a break even from his brothers since three boys are pretty overstimulating by themselves. When we are out that becomes even more difficult. I want to take the boys out to museums, the pool, and parks, but I need to find the balance between enough and too much. I'm pretty sure there will be a lot of trial and error the first few weeks, with the breakdowns to show for it.
Luckily there are some built-in breaks for us all, including a much talked about and anticipated visit from Muzzy (who ranks close to Santa Claus) and Aunt Amy. We'll also try and make a trip to my brother's to spend time with their cousins (the other standing favorites). On a weekly basis, my parents and step-parents have been great at providing breaks all around. CJ and AJ look forward to spending one-on-one time with my dad and step-mother, eagerly anticipating the next visit.
So perhaps the real lesson of this year has been how lucky we are to have such a fabulous support network. The story of the last 9 months would have been very different if we didn't have all these people surrounding us, helping us when we asked and at times when we didn't even know we needed it. That help took many forms, from direct intervention to a simple email expressing pride in the efforts we were making for CJ (one of my favorites).
Could we have done all this on our own? Perhaps, but I will be eternally grateful to everyone involved that we didn't have to.
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CJ is lucky not only in his parents, but his grandmother Mimi. Judy was a great mother and it appears that she has taken these skills and passed them into the next generation.
ReplyDeleteII'm glad the boys like our one on one visits. We certainly love them.
My only concern is IEPMOM's health. I know from personal experience the feel of chest pain.