It has been a productive weekend for us, the kind of weekend it's been difficult to have for several years and which we'd missed. Craig and I worked on the basement rehab yesterday, reorganizing the laundry room and his work space and putting down a floor. Today, Craig kept going on the boys' section of the basement and I went on a cleaning binge upstairs.
The most exciting part of this? We did it with all of our boys at home the whole time (along with several friends), and not even a naptime. They wandered in and out of the house, playing basketball and football in the yard, making endless paper airplanes and playing the Wii during yesterday's rain. Today, they helped me clean their rooms before heading outside once again. I checked in with them periodically, settled minor conflicts and gave them a ton of food and they were good to go. We ended each day with some family time (made more exciting on Saturday by the loss of power we experienced), but got the time to focus on a task.
It wasn't ideal, I admit. I was pulled back and forth between kids and work and was pretty wiped out at the end of it all. It was, however, a big step forward for us. With two of the kids 5 or older, we have officially entered a new, less intense, phase of parenting. While I still miss parts of having a house full of babies and toddlers, I have to confess that I am welcoming this new era with open arms.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Saturday, October 24, 2009
For better or worse?
We are the generation of divorce. More of my friends have parents who aren't married than parents who are. We are basically well-adjusted and happy people, most married and raising children. I have, however, recently found myself drawn into several conversations about divorce, not about who is getting one but rather the fact that no one in my immediate circle has.
These conversations have an interesting flow to them. For the most part, the participants are slightly tentative, we worry perhaps about jinxing ourselves. We marvel at the fact that everyone is still married and brainstorm reasons, we all got married when we were older is a favorite. A friend dropped a bombshell at a party last month. The parents of her son's two best friends have both separated recently. She said that when she mentioned it to a co-worker with older children, her co-worker nodded and said that it was that time. Apparently, it was when the co-worker's kids were between 7 and 9 that marriages began to fail.
There is a strange logic to this, actually. When your children are young you just put your head down and push through the midnight feedings, terrible two's and potty training. You love them and enjoy them but they tend to sap all your strength and you operate largely day-to-day. Once they get older and you can spare some time to look around again, there probably are couples who realize they have lost what they once had.
So maybe we all haven't found the secret to eternal marriage, maybe we just haven't hit the rough times yet. The truth is we won't know until we get there how many of us will be fine. No relationship comes with a guarantee, marriage least of all. Craig is remarkably sanguine about our marriage, perhaps because his own parents stayed together. His response when I mentioned we should spend more quality time together to keep our marriage strong? "That's fine, but I'm not sure why you're worried. Why would I ever decide to stop loving you?"
Maybe that will be our secret weapon, not merely a commitment to staying married (we all know far to many parents who did that for the wrong reason) but a commitment to loving each other or at the least remembering why we love each other. The difference? Loving and remembering are action words and no marriage can last unless both partners are active participants. So when you find you've lost something, you take the time to remember what you had and commit yourself to finding it again.
As simple as it sounds, Craig is right. More than half the battle is waking up every day and deciding to stay in love with your spouse.
Have I mentioned I love how insightful my husband is?
These conversations have an interesting flow to them. For the most part, the participants are slightly tentative, we worry perhaps about jinxing ourselves. We marvel at the fact that everyone is still married and brainstorm reasons, we all got married when we were older is a favorite. A friend dropped a bombshell at a party last month. The parents of her son's two best friends have both separated recently. She said that when she mentioned it to a co-worker with older children, her co-worker nodded and said that it was that time. Apparently, it was when the co-worker's kids were between 7 and 9 that marriages began to fail.
There is a strange logic to this, actually. When your children are young you just put your head down and push through the midnight feedings, terrible two's and potty training. You love them and enjoy them but they tend to sap all your strength and you operate largely day-to-day. Once they get older and you can spare some time to look around again, there probably are couples who realize they have lost what they once had.
So maybe we all haven't found the secret to eternal marriage, maybe we just haven't hit the rough times yet. The truth is we won't know until we get there how many of us will be fine. No relationship comes with a guarantee, marriage least of all. Craig is remarkably sanguine about our marriage, perhaps because his own parents stayed together. His response when I mentioned we should spend more quality time together to keep our marriage strong? "That's fine, but I'm not sure why you're worried. Why would I ever decide to stop loving you?"
Maybe that will be our secret weapon, not merely a commitment to staying married (we all know far to many parents who did that for the wrong reason) but a commitment to loving each other or at the least remembering why we love each other. The difference? Loving and remembering are action words and no marriage can last unless both partners are active participants. So when you find you've lost something, you take the time to remember what you had and commit yourself to finding it again.
As simple as it sounds, Craig is right. More than half the battle is waking up every day and deciding to stay in love with your spouse.
Have I mentioned I love how insightful my husband is?
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
My Doubly-Exceptional Child
I signed CJ's IEP yesterday, making his status as a special education student official. We had a really good meeting last week with one of his teachers, Craig and I, his Learning Specialist, the OT, psychologist and Special Education Coordinator. It was quite an impressive gathering and we had a great conversation about CJ's needs and how best to meet them.
The SPED Coordinator set the stage for the discussion by reviewing his evaluations. He was found eligible for services based on his Non-verbal Learning Disorder. He actually has what is known as a Dual Exceptionality, since he also qualifies as a gifted student. This can be helpful since he will be able to compensate for some of his weaknesses but also poses challenges since he can easily become frustrated and at times bored.
At this point, CJ is on track academically (yay, gifted) so most of the focus right now will be on his sensory issues. The OT was very pleased that he had been identified this young since it means that they can actually use therapy to rewire his system. This is pretty huge, in general SPED works on helps student to compensate for weaknesses, actually "fixing" them is not usually an option. It means that with aggressive work now, CJ should be able to function normally within a classroom setting. Resolving his sensory issues before any academic difficulties kick in will make handling them that much easier.
I have to say that I am incredibly happy with how CJ is doing at Stokes. His teachers are fabulous and have done an amazing job of meeting his needs in the classroom, even before any additional help has been put in place. Over the next week, CJ's services will start to kick in and hopefully we'll see him making even more progress.
Most importantly for us, CJ is also really happy. He has made great friends and enjoys his days with his teachers. The peace of mind that brings to Craig and me is truly priceless.
The SPED Coordinator set the stage for the discussion by reviewing his evaluations. He was found eligible for services based on his Non-verbal Learning Disorder. He actually has what is known as a Dual Exceptionality, since he also qualifies as a gifted student. This can be helpful since he will be able to compensate for some of his weaknesses but also poses challenges since he can easily become frustrated and at times bored.
At this point, CJ is on track academically (yay, gifted) so most of the focus right now will be on his sensory issues. The OT was very pleased that he had been identified this young since it means that they can actually use therapy to rewire his system. This is pretty huge, in general SPED works on helps student to compensate for weaknesses, actually "fixing" them is not usually an option. It means that with aggressive work now, CJ should be able to function normally within a classroom setting. Resolving his sensory issues before any academic difficulties kick in will make handling them that much easier.
I have to say that I am incredibly happy with how CJ is doing at Stokes. His teachers are fabulous and have done an amazing job of meeting his needs in the classroom, even before any additional help has been put in place. Over the next week, CJ's services will start to kick in and hopefully we'll see him making even more progress.
Most importantly for us, CJ is also really happy. He has made great friends and enjoys his days with his teachers. The peace of mind that brings to Craig and me is truly priceless.
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