For better or worse?

We are the generation of divorce. More of my friends have parents who aren't married than parents who are. We are basically well-adjusted and happy people, most married and raising children. I have, however, recently found myself drawn into several conversations about divorce, not about who is getting one but rather the fact that no one in my immediate circle has.

These conversations have an interesting flow to them. For the most part, the participants are slightly tentative, we worry perhaps about jinxing ourselves. We marvel at the fact that everyone is still married and brainstorm reasons, we all got married when we were older is a favorite. A friend dropped a bombshell at a party last month. The parents of her son's two best friends have both separated recently. She said that when she mentioned it to a co-worker with older children, her co-worker nodded and said that it was that time. Apparently, it was when the co-worker's kids were between 7 and 9 that marriages began to fail.

There is a strange logic to this, actually. When your children are young you just put your head down and push through the midnight feedings, terrible two's and potty training. You love them and enjoy them but they tend to sap all your strength and you operate largely day-to-day. Once they get older and you can spare some time to look around again, there probably are couples who realize they have lost what they once had.

So maybe we all haven't found the secret to eternal marriage, maybe we just haven't hit the rough times yet. The truth is we won't know until we get there how many of us will be fine. No relationship comes with a guarantee, marriage least of all. Craig is remarkably sanguine about our marriage, perhaps because his own parents stayed together. His response when I mentioned we should spend more quality time together to keep our marriage strong? "That's fine, but I'm not sure why you're worried. Why would I ever decide to stop loving you?"

Maybe that will be our secret weapon, not merely a commitment to staying married (we all know far to many parents who did that for the wrong reason) but a commitment to loving each other or at the least remembering why we love each other. The difference? Loving and remembering are action words and no marriage can last unless both partners are active participants. So when you find you've lost something, you take the time to remember what you had and commit yourself to finding it again.

As simple as it sounds, Craig is right. More than half the battle is waking up every day and deciding to stay in love with your spouse.

Have I mentioned I love how insightful my husband is?