Family Christmas

For our family in the South and West who missed Christmas with the boys, here's a run-down on the week's activities. (This is a little long.)

The boys received an early Christmas present from Mother Nature, who dropped 18" of snow on the ground last Saturday. To say they were thrilled would be a major understatement. All the snow gear went on and they were outside by 9:30 am, loving life. TR made it through an hour that first time, pretty good for a 3 yo out in near blizzard conditions, and his brothers were out for closer to 2 hours. They came back in for coco and lunch and some down time and headed back in the afternoon for another round. Over the next two days, we had snowball fights and made a snowman and otherwise frolicked. Interestingly, we realized that shoveling snow is a great form of natural OT for CJ, works his muscles and gives him lots of sensory input. When Craig went out to shovel, CJ was right there with him the whole time outlasting even his older brother. He was incredibly calm for the next two days, an early gift from Mother Nature to his parents.

By Tuesday the pre-Christmas frenzy had kicked in and the boys were on a rampage. I worked to keep them busy and they were great helpers. AJ wrapped presents with me and was pretty good at it. CJ painted watercolor Christmas trees to add to the packages. This was actually my favorite present this year. For the first time in his life, CJ independently sat at a table and wrote and painted for a significant length of time. He first wrote all of his letters and then made a whole series of pictures for family. We knew he had the skills but his sensory issues were getting in the way of his coloring in even the simplest way. It was the first visible sign that all the work this year is paying off and made me very proud of him (and grateful to his team at Stokes for all they've done to help him).

I have to admit that I, at times, doubted whether we would make it to Christmas morning with the adults' sanity in tact. Christmas Eve included a run to Target for me with all three boys in tow, a major undertaking but still one they came through all right. I did at one point threaten to make the next one to misbehave sit and watch his brothers open two presents before he could open any, needless to say that helped immensely. It also helped that Muzzy had sent a new table for use with Legos and her blessing to open it early, it was a welcome distraction those last few hours. Craig got home around 2 pm and we were off to the races, with last minute cleaning to prepare for the family visitors and then baths and dressing for church.

I think both Craig and I were dreading church, given the antsy behavior of the guys, but they were amazingly well-behaved. I was incredibly proud of them. It was a particularly moving experience watching AJ at the service this year. For the first time, he could read along with the adults and it was amazing to watch the service take on a completely new meaning for him. He read every word and sang every hymn and was totally engaged. I could see church and the service becoming more real to him and relished his new understanding of the words he had been hearing out of the corner of his ear for the last 7 years. TR spent most of the service in his father's arms, people watching and enjoying all the music. CJ was on point during the children's sermon. He raised his hand whenever the chaplain asked a question and when called on answered and managed to add an interesting tidbit here and there. The chaplain was impressed and told him to keep studying and prepare for his ordination one day. My dad was thrilled, perhaps hoping that after skipping a generation the minister gene is making an appearance in one of his grandsons. When it all became too much for him, CJ curled up in my lap and took a break from everything going on around him.

We opened presents with my dad and step-mother back at the house after the service and it was a great kick-off to the event. AJ got an alarm clock, which he promptly set for 7 am (the time at which they were allowed to come and get mom and dad) and the two younger ones got great toys that they took to bed with them. After they left and boys finally went to sleep, our work began. It was 2:30 am before we were finished with all the prep for presents and Christmas dinner but worth the effort.

Needless to say, the alarm was unnecessary. The boys were up at 6:15 am and ready to go but did a great job of staying in their room until the alarm went off at 7. We headed downstairs with their eyes closed so they could eat their pre-present snack and then it was finally present time. The Santa presents got oohs and aahs, as did the gigantic beanbag chairs from Aunt Amy that could not be wrapped. After present opening and an enormous breakfast the boys got a little time to play before the next round arrived with Meme, grandad, Uncle Bill and Debbie and Aunt Erica and Uncle Francis. In a short time our house looked like a small toy store and the boys were in heaven. TR in particular was amazed, he wandered from toy to toy in a daze wanting to play with everything all at once. He finally collapsed into bed for a long nap, too overwhelmed to do anymore. After everyone was gone, we had a rousing game of Twister and did some target practice with the Nerf Dart Tag guns from Janine and John and finally managed to get them to sleep at 8:30. Craig and I followed about 5 minutes later.

As usual, watching their eyes light up and seeing the sheer joy on their faces made all of the running around and chaos more than worthwhile. I know that someday we'll have a nice sedate Christmas again and it will be nice, but I'm not actually looking forward to it. Christmas is a celebration of the birth of a child and of the new world that he brought with him. In their innocent joy, our young children are often closer to understanding that new world than we older, more jaded souls. They still think more of what can be than of what isn't. I, for one, am not looking forward to losing that window into the possible when it closes.

Boy moments...

Three is an interesting age, one moment you feel like you're about to lose it with them and then they do something that makes you scoop them up for a great big snuggle. TJ has been on a roll lately and just had to share my favorites.

"Mommy, did you know that Logan doesn't have any brothers? Not even one!" This was the realization he had two weeks ago in school. I think it was the first time he really understood that not everyone lives in boy central. It was incredibly adorable how sad he was for Logan (I'm sure Logan's parents don't share the sentiment). It also touched me because it showed how much he loves his brothers and how lucky he feels to have them around.

"Baby wants to go on the slide." We had an impromptu playdate with a baby doll last week. He went out to swing and named all the swings (the baby swing, the big boy swing and "Drew's" swing). First, he told me that he was too big for the baby swing and went to get on the big boy swing. Then, he looked over and said "baby wants to swing." We got baby doll and started an odyssey around our backyard. Baby went on the swing, the slide, the climbing dome, and also played golf and went for a ride in the police car. Our playdate ended when he fell down and needed to be carried back inside, a reminder that however big he gets, he's still my baby.

"Sit next to me, mommy." The great thing about 3 is that they are still young enough to openly acknowledge they need you. He's definitely a clingier child than his brothers. My mother guilt fears it's because I was working his first years so he didn't get the time with me that they did. Regardless of why, it is nice to have a constant stream of reminders that I'm loved. Every morning his whole face lights up when he sees me for the first time and I get a big "mommy!" Whether he's coloring, playing with his toys, or watching TV, he wants me right there with him. I can't always do it, but it's nice to be asked.

My 3 yo is not alone in his cuteness. CJ also has had some great lines. My personal favorite? "Mommy, you are better than a peanut butter and jelly sandwich." And even though AJ is too old to be verbal in the same way, I love that when he sees me in the hall at school he'll still hop out of line and come throw his arms around me.

I love my boys.

How Are You?

We ask it countless times each week of friends and family. It sounds innocuous but it can feel like one of the most loaded questions there is. I asked it of a friend this week and she paused before answering and then told me about some hard things that had happened to her recently. At the end, she said she thought about just saying "fine" but decided to tell me the truth and she hoped that was okay.

Of course it was okay, but I got her hesitation. I feel it all the time, not so much with people I don't know well, those are easy, but I'm never sure how to answer those with whom I am closer. How am I? Honestly? That's hard to say. I do have days that are okay, days when I can do what I need to do and my chest pains and random drug side effects are manageable. Not gone, really, but just sort of hanging out at the edges of my life.

And then there are days like yesterday, when by 5:30 I was done. I simply couldn't do anything else. It didn't help that I've had a cold, not one that would normally bother me but just enough to send me over the edge. Craig thankfully came home early because when he walked in the door at 6 I was curled up on the couch. I didn't move until 11:30 when I finally had the energy to go to bed. It was one of those days when AJ knew not to ask about reading from Bed Knob and Broomstick but just snuggled next to me for a few minutes before heading to bed. A day when Craig carried TJ crying up the stairs because he wanted mommy to put him to bed. And a day when CJ stood in front of me and said he knew I was tired and didn't feel well but he just wanted to say goodnight and he hoped that was okay.

It's not okay that my child feels like he can't just come say goodnight to me. It's not okay that reading a chapter in a book or tucking my 3 yo in bed is beyond me. It is, however, the reality, for now.

But people don't really want to hear all that, I know. I'm tired of my health, so I'm pretty sure my friends and family are tired of hearing about my health. I know my husband is tired of hearing about it.

So how am I? Let's just stick with "I'm fine."

When shopping isn't about shopping...

"Becca really wants to go this year," said Janine. "Nope, she's not old enough yet," was the firm response from Erica and me. A morning of shopping sounds great to a 12 year old, but the annual Cawthorne girl shopping trip on Black Friday is a tradition to which we all look forward for reasons that have little to do with shopping, something it is hard to appreciate until you are older.

As with most traditions, it had a practical beginning. Janine's kids were getting older and it was easier to buy for them with mom there to point things out that they would actually wear/use. That first year the Friday after Thanksgiving was the easiest time to do it and to avoid crowds we went early (6 am) to Columbia Mall. We accomplished our goal, yes, but that's not all that has had us coming back to it year after year. As our lives have grown more complicated with kids, jobs and significant others, it has remained a time when we know we can be on our own and enjoy each other's company.

We do, of course, shop, although we have pretty strict rules. We don't wait in ridiculous lines (so no electronics or toy stores) and we don't let ourselves get too crazed about what we find or don't find. We walk around seeing what's out there, take coffee breaks, get lunch and talk. We talk a lot. Not about anything earth-shattering, just the kind of conversation that it is hard to have when you're being pulled in a million different directions but which is so important to help you feel connected to others in your life. Even when we aren't all in the same place, we carry on via cell phone what we would do in person.

Most people think we're insane for trekking out when we do, and that's part of the appeal. It means that in a week when every event has to be negotiated so that everyone possible is included, this is one outing that everyone is happy to leave just to us. Husbands, little kids, our parents, all have no desire to get up at 5 am and go to a mall. It gives us a few hours to accomplish a worthwhile goal and to be, not mom, wife, or daughter, but just Janine, Erica, Laura and, for the last five years, Samantha.

Samantha was 16 when she came with us for the first time, after asking for years. I'm not sure she saw the point that first year, we didn't buy her nearly enough stuff for it to live up to her expectations. Still, she's kept coming and it's been fun to watch her grow into the tradition. This year, at age 21, she summed it up perfectly. "It's not really about the shopping," she noted, "it's about the community."

So Becca will join us in a few years, when she's ready. And I'd like to think that when she and Sam have kids and busy lives of their own, they'll still meet us ridiculously early on Black Friday to remember that in addition to all our other labels, we share the one of friend.