Missing Dad

I am incredibly lucky that Craig's job requires very little travel. I have several friends and a sister-in-law whose husbands are regularly away from home. You'd think, therefore, that when he does head out of town we'd be able to go with the flow, and, for the most part, we do. During the week our lives are not so different since he's gone for 12 hours a day as it is. Weekends aren't fun but that is far less common anyway. Really, it wouldn't be that bad if it weren't for the cosmic chaos that seems to descend every time.

What's cosmic chaos? Cosmic chaos is having a sick baby and finding out you and your 5 year old have lice 24 hours after Craig leaves. It's the fact that in the last 24 hours, I've hurt my ankle and AR now has a butterfly bandage over the cut on his eyelid that almost required general anesthesia and sutures. It's those moments when you feel like one more event will push you over the edge and the result won't be pretty. I wonder, though, if it's really that much more chaotic than our normal life or if it just seems that way when I'm on my own.

Economists and politicians talk all the time about the economic benefits of two-parent households and I can see what they mean. I'm grateful that Craig working means I can stay home and it's great to know that if we really needed extra money it would be easy to achieve with my returning to work. I do not want to downplay the advantages all this provides to me and my children. But, to me, the real advantage to having that second parent in the house is not financial, but emotional.

I love knowing that someone has my back when things start to feel like they are spinning out of control. When I've had one of those days, the sight of Craig walking in the door is enough to put a song in my heart. You can almost sense a shift in the emotional balance of the room as he takes over soothing whichever child is in tears or cautioning the child who put them there. The space just to walk away and shut a door for 15 minutes and know that everything will go on out in the other room as it should is an amazing gift.

Just like bad days are made better by his presence, so too good days achieve new heights. Children already in good moods bubble over in their eagerness to tell dad all about the great things they did that day. More and better stories are told and plans made for the future add to the mix of happiness. Smiles seem brighter and the games we play simply more fun when we add in another adult to help guide the way and ensure every child feels they are receiving sufficient attention.

Could I do it all on my own? Of course I could, and in a way that meant my children were as well-adjusted as any others. I see single parents in action every day and the amazing amount of love and attention they shower on their children makes you realize just how great a parent one person can be. While I could do it on my own, however, I am grateful every day for the support from Craig that means I'm not managing the cosmic chaos alone. I'm also grateful for the occasional business trip to help remind me just how lucky I am.